I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
