the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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