This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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