you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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