So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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