Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
