Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
