smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
