her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
