Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
