He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
