I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will be naked everywhere
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
