just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
