Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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