FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
