They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
