OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
