I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
