I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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