so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
