guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My vagina is officially offended.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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