First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
