So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
