i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
