I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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