my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize