You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
