My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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