Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
