im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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