he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize