I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
