I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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