She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
