david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
