Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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