There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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