i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
