pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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