I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
