Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
