Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
