I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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