im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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