I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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