I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
