she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
