I'm so fucking centered right now
You smell like stripper and shame
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
