Even the bartender felt bad for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
