I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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