Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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