Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
