I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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