you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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