You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
