More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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