Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You made out with two different species that night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
