I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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