as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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