Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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