Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
