I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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