I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
