So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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