the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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