Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
