I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
