you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
