I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate all girls vehemently.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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