Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
